Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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