I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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