paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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