After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
