i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He shit in the fireplace
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
