It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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