Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
