Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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