Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
