I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
