I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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