Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
