We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
