eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
