like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
