Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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