i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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