im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
