But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
