I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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