girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
