wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize