We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I need to calm my uterus...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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