So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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