I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
