This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
