You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My legs feel like baby dolphins
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
