please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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