what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
