After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
