I can't watch pbs sober anymore
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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