so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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