I just threw up on my dentist
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I will be naked everywhere
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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