his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
