oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Congratulations! We have a period
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
