turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
