Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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