you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You have to summon your inner elephant
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
