New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
