I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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