How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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