is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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