im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
