My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
wat bout pragnant strippers??
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
