I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
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