It's like God shit irony all over that family
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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