Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
