You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
ttyl tear gas
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
