That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
