four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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