I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
