you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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